I Bought the Lunchables

Years ago, I bought a book at Borders called 'I Was a Much Better Mom Before I Had Kids.' And frankly, I think that is probably true. Before we decided to adopt two little girls from Guatemala (one who arrived as a 7-month-old baby, and one who arrived as a 16-month-old, Spanish-speaking toddler after a grueling adoption process that could have gone either way) I had lots of ideas of how parenting would go. I would hand-make my daughters' baby food, clothe them in organically-grown cloth diapers, and they would never see the inside of a McDonald's or Burger King. But once I BECAME a parent, I learned, so, so much. Obviously!! It's easy to plan a life for kids when you don't have them, but once they actually arrive (regardless of how they got to your family) reality sets in. I am constantly reminded of the title of that book, on a daily basis. Yes, I wish my two daughters would eat organic free-range eggs or high-protein Greek yogurt from Australia for breakfast, or Udon noodles with edamame and Thai peanut sauce (served in cute little Bento box from the Container Store with recyclable chop sticks) for lunch, but frankly, they won't. And Lord knows I have tried. Both girls are picky eaters. They eat a good dinner at home each night, most often home cooked. And our snacks are generally pretty healthy. But with school starting the day after tomorrow, I am looking at another year where I am faced with packing them a lunch that they won't eat, or purchasing school lunches that they won't eat (and I have NOTHING bad to say about the lunch program at their school because I helped set it up.) So....I can make some point that frankly no one here is listening to or I can face reality. My kids need to eat lunch.  They need to have the fuel to get through their days and to focus on the class work. Their lunches will never appear on the cover of Martha Stewart Living, but they will have something in their bellies for a full day of learning and activity. The girls want Lunchables. And after several years of packed lunches that they bring home untouched, I am joining the cult. Do I want my growing girls to eat fake food? No way. But do I want them to eat SOMETHING so that they can focus on the task at hand? Why, yes I do. The lunch struggle made me think about all the things modern parents do, or don't do, because they think other parents are watching them. I am an old mom. We got Mari when I was was 40 and Josie when I was 42. There are tons of benefits to being an older parent (patience, financial stability, etc). There are also many downsides.....I seriously hope that I live long enough to see them through adulthood, and that I can keep up with their activities as they age and I do too. I realize that my many, many years as a childless adult really affected how I have treated parenting. In the old days, people fell in love, got married, had sex, and had a family. In my world, people put off parenting to have careers, see the world, experience life, blah blah blah. But once you become a parent, no matter how you got there, reality sets in. Kids might have a blow-out poop at the finest restaurant, or have a complete melt down regardless of your best laid plans. Adopting the girls is still the best thing we ever did. I decided that I didn't want to end up surrounded by my toys, investments, and high-end purses and shoes when all was said and done, and neither did my husband (OK, actually, I talked him into it but he is full-on in love with his girls). We have never looked back and we love our two girls with every bone in our bodies. But that doesn't mean it is always easy. And regardless of your age, your social or economic status, or life situation, having children is a full-time, harrowing job. And when you add in the fact that you have to navigate the world of child rearing along with other parents whose children your children will attend preschool, camp, Brownies, elementary school, and soccer with, well, that is where I feel that we sometimes beat ourselves up the most. I write this blog post in support of any mom, dad, grandparent, or other guardian who is feeling the stress and pressure of school starting in a few days. And I pose a challenge to all of us. If you are blessed with a child who wants to eat a sandwich made with organic peanut butter and hand-grown boysenberry jelly on sprouted whole grain bread for lunch, good for your. No, seriously, good for you! But if your kids are picky eaters, and they want fake, cold pizza or fake, cold chicken nuggets, I got your back. At some point we all have to look at our realities. No one is judging you, and if they are, well,  frankly, they need to get a new hobby. Because regardless of where you live or how much money you make, your kid has to get through a long day at school. Eating something is better than not eating anything. The day will go better for them, and for those totally and completely amazing people who serve as their teachers. And I truly think teachers are the most amazing people on the planet., because they are the ones who spend the day with our kids and teach them to read, do math, dissect frogs, and so much more. I have learned over the last few years that my husband and I are really, really good at some of the things that make great parents, and there are some things that we totally suck at. And I can live with that. If you want to be completely honest with yourself, you can probably say the same thing. As we start a new school year, let's give each other a break!!! Parenting isn't easy, but it is a wonderful, delightful journey. I don't care what you pack in your kid's lunch, how many field trips you go on, or whether you make popcorn for school fundraisers. If your kid is kind and respectful and doesn't beat the crap out of my kid, we are good. Seriously. Take this one thing off your list of things to worry about. The time you spend doing the right things with your children so outweighs those small things we all do 'wrong.' We are all in this boat together. And happy, secure parents make happy, secure kids.

Just Chill, Mom

Wow.....you want to see two little faces drop? Bounce into their bedroom and announce (perhaps a bit too loudly) that next week at this time, they will be at school. Bummer, mom! We have had a GREAT summer. Seriously. Lots of travel early on, and lots of Key West time after....pool, legos, art camp, crafts, blanket forts, tutoring, etc. The girls have played together well and gotten along famously. Of course, there is always some nonsense, but much, much less of it. I feel like my husband and I are coming out of 'the weeds' of parenting. The girls are almost 8 and almost 10, entering second and third grades this school year. They will have both repeated a grade after this year....a choice that is difficult to make but one that can make a huge difference. As John reminds me, no one every asked him if he repeated first or second grade when he was sitting in a meeting in Manhattan, talking financial record keeping. A good point. Wednesday they both get back-to-school haircuts and a very special treat - my stylist found someone who can French braid hair. Like Elsa from 'Frozen.' (Wondering if she knows every word to 'Let it Go' as well? She just might after this session.) On Friday morning, they will meet their new teachers, and on Saturday afternoon, we will celebrate Josie's 8th at Two Scoops with cupcake decorating and My Little Pony decor. As I sit at the laptop in my new home office (my favorite summer project), my mind is racing with the bazillion things we should do between those few activities. But as I listen to the girls getting breakfast (Yep, breakfast at 10 am. Won't be any transition there, right?) and chatting quietly I am going to take a cue from them....and just chill out. We can enjoy this last week without focusing on the 'last week' part because other than being at school from 8 to 3, and at CCD and Brownies two early evenings, life really won't change that much. Sure, we will have homework and will need to go to bed a bit earlier. But we can still jump in the pool any day we get the urge, or hit Ft. Zach on the way home from school, just to say 'hey' to the ocean and run around. The weather isn't going to change until it starts to get cooler in November, and by cooler I mean we will lose some humidity and maybe 10 degrees or so. Mari and Josie are right. I'm going to get another cup of coffee and enjoy this time at home with them. Let's just see what the day brings us. Hakuna matata.

New Year, New 'Tude

I am not one to say 'where did the summer go?' I can tell you exactly where it went. Our summer has gone by in a lovely blur of fish print and tie dye camp, swimming in our pool, tooling around the island, crafts, tutoring, some awesome traveling, seeing family and friends, making smoothies and fruit kebabs, playing tennis, snuggling, baking, playing computer games, making messes and cleaning them up, and much, much more. We've had busy days and lazy days. The girls probably watched too much television and didn't take enough baths. And I'm okay with that....to me, that is what summer break is for! School starts next Monday, and we are making the usual preparations. The school supplies are bagged and ready to go. They have new clothes and shoes and backpacks. We are going to bed earlier. Basically, tightening up the daily routine. My volunteer duties at the girls school started a few weeks ago - welcome back treats, lunch for the staff, lots of time at the keyboard updating information, sending emails, and outlining plans for the upcoming school year. I really enjoy doing it, and I am blessed to be able to devote so much time to helping out. I've learned a lot in the last few weeks and have had my feelings hurt in a major way. I think volunteering and giving brings out the best in people, but unfortunately it also seems to bring out the worst. So along with prepping my two daughters to start second grade next week, I am prepping myself. Finding a better balance. Maybe tightening up my boundaries. I love the excitement of a new school year....so much possibility! I look forward to having the time during the day to tackle projects and actually keep the house looking nice for more than an hour. I can't wait to drop them off and then park by Smathers Beach and take a brisk walk along the ocean. John and I can get back to our routine of having breakfast or lunch out at our favorite spots....Pepe's, Harpoon Harry's, Sarabeth's, and Square Grouper. And at 3 pm the day really begins when two little ladies have snacks and homework and reading and dinner and baths. Until then, it's probably all right that it's 10:42 am and they are still in pajamas.